Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab
This is the first book my therapist recommended to me when I set out to understand how to avoid feeling anger, resentment, and frustration in my romantic relationships. Not only could I not identify my own needs, but I also couldn’t articulate them. I could not set boundaries. I intuitively knew how I had developed the pattern of sublimating my desires, and what I really wanted was to learn how to take care of myself better. In Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, Nedra Glover Tawwab clearly explains why boundaries are so important for healthy relationships, and how to set them.
Within a week of reading this book, I was setting boundaries right and left at work and in my personal life. It was fun! Seriously. No, I cannot meet for in-person meetings on Thursdays. I cannot meet on Saturday, but I am free after 12 on Sunday. I was even able to change my mind, and set new boundaries as my perspective and needs shifted. No, you may not put political yard signs up in my yard. Can you please put up the yard signs? It became a game, and I became so much happier with my life. My life was turning into MY life. For a one month period of time, it felt like every podcast I listened to on my morning walk was about setting boundaries. Check them out on Mas+ — Recommended Podcasts.
As I read through my notes on this book, I realized that I need a refresher course, and will read this book again. Now.
“As I said, the biggest issue with most romantic relationships is poor communication. If people could learn to communicate what they want earlier in the dating process, many relationships would be happier. A failure to communicate is a missed opportunity to have your needs met. The number one reason that people fail to communicate their needs is the fear of being seen as mean or needy. But it’s okay to have needs, and it’s reasonable to think that your partner would be willing to meet most of your needs. So state them early, because resentment leads to breakups and divorce.”